In the blink of an eye. Everything can change. So forgive often and love with all your heart. You may never know when you may not have that chance again.

It's so crazy how life turns up. I remember 5 years ago at this time, planning for our wedding. At the time, the "theme" for our wedding was "Live the Life You Love, Love the Life You Live". This has been a saying that has become our family motto, honestly, since then. These words ring true now more than ever. 

I'm writing today, with no new update on the twins. I'm writing today, because we simply are overwhelmed by the amount of support that our family has received, from not only family and friends, but strangers and friends of friends (of friends:)). When our path changed a mere 11 weeks ago, we had no idea the impact that Peyton would have on people. We are humbled and honored by the outpouring of prayers from literally across the world. 

This week, Nick and I spent a lot of time talking about what's next. After talking with my cousin, Father Danny, we knew that we needed to make a few phone calls to start lining up how we would honor Peyton. I honestly find myself laughing at the situation sometimes. When making a phone call to a funeral home to talk about burying our child, I seriously feel like I'm in college or something, doing a research project. I even joked with the lady at the cemetery that I'll probably be calling her in October to say, just kidding! We get to take our baby home! All humor aside, we have determined that if we indeed do not get to take our son home, that we will have a funeral here in KC and have Peyton buried at Resurrection Cemetery. They have a beautiful area designated specifically for children where he will be buried. It's one of those things that we don't necessarily want to think about, much less talk about out loud, but we decided it would be much easier to have these conversations now, as opposed to later.

Of course the other big discussion that Nick and I needed to have this week was how I am going to deliver these babies. This part is pretty emotional for me. I think back to when we had Kaylee, and it was seriously the best experience. The delivery was a breeze and Nick and I had ample time to spend with Kaylee, nursing her, holding her and hearing her first cries. When I begin to think about all of the "what-ifs" for this pregnancy, my mind literally starts to spin. After a long discussion, at this point, I think we are leaning towards opting for a planned c-section. This is purely selfish on my part, because this is literally the only thing that I can control. 

There are a few things that are priorities for Nick and I when our boys enter this world. First and foremost, we want Kaylee to meet both of her brothers. We also want to make sure that Peyton is able to be baptized. My cousin has graciously offered to be there when Peyton is born to make sure that that is possible. We would also like our parents and siblings to have the opportunity to meet Peyton as well. And, we want to capture all of these moments through photographs so that someday, we can show Kaylee and Preston just how special of a day it was. The only way to guarantee that even some of these can happen is if we know "when" it will happen. At this point, after weighing all of our options, I think this is the best route for us to go.

We head back to both my OBGYN and our specialist next week to continue to monitor the progress that the boys are making. We have roughly 11 weeks left or so until we will be meeting our little miracles. 

Today, we choose to live with gratitude, for the love that fills our hearts, the peace that rests within our spirits, and the voice of hope that says... all things are possible.

much <3,

Nick, Ashley and Kaylee